The OEDILF is having another limerick contest. Here are the 10 finalists. No author names are provided to keep them anonymous. It makes the voting more fair. It's kind of a closed community and everyone knows one another by their screen names. Now the voters will vote for the top three and the winners will be announced. I'd be interested to know which are your favorites.


5. allegeable

“It’s allegeable you ate the pies,”
Says my lawyer, “and I would advise
That a forceful denial
Ahead of the trial
Is wise for a man of your size.”


********************


7. amorously

I was down on one knee: “Darling Peg,
Be my soulmate forever, I beg.”
Though I’d built up the mood,
By her pug I was screwed.
He was amorously humping my leg.


********************


19. churchism

Strict adherence to dogma may vex,
But it's what our religion expects.
Once in churchism's thrall,
True believers won't fall
For the lure of the opposite sects.


********************


23. coagent

A coagent for man God did craft:
A woman—she shan't be called daft
Just because she came second.
See, God must've reckoned
A masterpiece first needs a draft.


********************


24. coalery

All the coalery workers see signs
Of impending extraction declines.
How will Geordies go on
Once the anthracite's gone?
They'll be driven right out of their mines.


********************


26. confusional

His confusional state’s getting worse.
He may claim he’s a registered nurse,
Or a saber-toothed predator,
Or, lately, the editor
Of a lexicon written in verse.


********************

36. deinstitutionalize

The Asylum Committee advised
I be deinstitutionalized.
I'm no longer confined,
'Cause they mended my mind
With a frontal lobe portion excised.


********************


39. deservedness

She's achieved some acclaim, with deservedness,
From johns for her lovemaking fervidness,
But this hooker's known more
For her wide open door
And her promise of first-come-first-servedness.

(duh-ZURV-uhd-ness)


********************


41. disendowment

When he showed her what breaking a vow meant,
She decided to teach him what ow meant:
“What’s endowed when you’re born,
Can be easily shorn.”
When this happens, it’s called disendowment.


********************


48. dualistic

Dualistic philosophers find
There's a rift between matter and mind.
Since your brain has awareness,
It ranks, in all fairness,
Above and beyond your behind.

FINAL STANDINGS FOR THE SIXTH BI-MONTHLY IN-HOUSE OEDILF LIMERICK CONTEST


FIRST PLACE
(Chris Doyle, #2 of 3)
11 votes: 4 First place, 7 Second, and 0 Third for a total of 41 points.

19. churchism

Strict adherence to dogma may vex,
But it's what our religion expects.
Once in churchism's thrall,
True believers won't fall
For the lure of the opposite sects.

********************

SECOND PLACE
(Chris Doyle, #1 of 3)
10 votes: 3 First place, 2 Second, and 5 Third for a total of 26 points.

24. coalery

All the coalery workers see signs
Of impending extraction declines.
How will Geordies go on
Once the anthracite's gone?
They'll be driven right out of their mines.

********************

THIRD PLACE
(Jeff Foster, #3 of 3)
7 votes: 3 First place, 2 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 23 points.

48. dualistic

Dualistic philosophers find
There's a rift between matter and mind.
Since your brain has awareness,
It ranks, in all fairness,
Above and beyond your behind.

********************

39. deservedness

She's achieved some acclaim, with deservedness,
From johns for her lovemaking fervidness,
But this hooker's known more
For her wide open door
And her promise of first-come-first-servedness.

(duh-ZURV-uhd-ness)

(Chris Doyle, #3 of 3)
8 votes: 2 First place, 3 Second, and 3 Third for a total of 22 points.

********************

7. amorously

I was down on one knee: “Darling Peg,
Be my soulmate forever, I beg.”
Though I’d built up the mood,
By her pug I was screwed.
He was amorously humping my leg.

(Chris J. Strolin, #2 of 3)
6 votes: 3 First place, 2 second, and 1 Third for a total of 22 points.

********************

23. coagent

A coagent for man God did craft:
A woman—she shan't be called daft
Just because she came second.
See, God must've reckoned
A masterpiece first needs a draft.

(Ruchiccio, #1 of 3)
7 votes: 2 First place, 2 Second, and 3 Third for a total of 19 points.

********************

26. confusional

His confusional state’s getting worse.
He may claim he’s a registered nurse,
Or a saber-toothed predator,
Or, lately, the editor
Of a lexicon written in verse.

(Chris J. Strolin, #1 of 3)
5 votes: 2 First place, 2 Second, and 1 Third for a total of 17 points.

********************

41. disendowment

When he showed her what breaking a vow meant,
She decided to teach him what ow meant:
“What’s endowed when you’re born,
Can be easily shorn.”
When this happens, it’s called disendowment.

(Konrad Schwoerke, #2 of 2)
4 votes: 2 First place, 0 second, and 2 Third for a total of 12 points.

********************

5. allegeable

“It’s allegeable you ate the pies,”
Says my lawyer, “and I would advise
That a forceful denial
Ahead of the trial
Is wise for a man of your size.”

(Andrew Burnet #1 of 3)
3 votes: 1 First place, 1 Second, and 1 Third for a total of 9 points.

********************

36. deinstitutionalize

The Asylum Committee advised
I be deinstitutionalized.
I'm no longer confined,
'Cause they mended my mind
With a frontal lobe portion excised.

(Kevin Lucas, #3 of 3)
5 votes: 0 First place, 1 Second, and 4 Third for a total of 7 points.

Last night I was given the job of offering a before-dinner toast to 250 employees, spouses and guests at a social service agency's annual holiday awards banquet. Being a limerick nut I decided to propose my toast in limerick form. Allow me to post it here in hopes that it will prompt some of you to post limerick toasts. Who knows when they might come in handy at the next dinner party or wedding reception?

[Delivered in a dramatic, yet sincere tone]

Before we become too engrossed
In our talk and our drink and pork roast,
May we all get in sync
And extend high our drink
To our friends, our co-workers and host.

Those around us have given their most
As bright servants from pillar to post.
We now offer our praise
For their hard-working days --
Trudge on comrades, don't give up the ghost!

I could stretch out this praise-laden boast
'Bout our friends and our wonderful host,
But clink now your glasses

[clink, clink, clink. And changing to a common, non-dramatic tone]

Now get off your asses,
Let's eat! That's the end of my toast.


Anybody care to start the collection of limerick toasts?

This one is by Chris J. Strolin, editor of the OEDILF:

The word ballroom, to most people, means
A grand setting for elegant scenes
Where folks dance 'cross the floor
To some waltz music, or
It's what men have in loose-fitting jeans.

This one is by timon, an international lawyer:

There was a young fellow of — where,
I don't now remember; but there
Something happened to him
To be told in this lim.
What was it? Don't know and don't care.

Here's a good one from Stephen Gold, a lawyer in Scotland. A good pun makes for a good lim.

I took Dinah to dinner tonight—
Our first date. It got late. We got tight.
"Like a nightcap?" she said.
Did her eyes hint at bed?
Just one thought filled my head—Dinah might!

To which Janet McConnaughey answered:

Though its forelimbs were puny and slight,
T. rex packed a bone-piercing bite.
When its jaws snatched and closed,
Its opponents were hosed —
An example of pure dino might.

dehonestation by Goldie (Limerick #63958)

We got wind of John's dehonestation;
He's dishonored, disgraced by temptation.
About five or six chicks
Have resisted his tricks;
All he scored was polite conversation.

Below is an invitation from Pat Myers of the Washington Post Style Invitational for a humorous rhyming eulogy about someone who died in 2011. Any of you poets interested?

The Style Invitational Week 952: Dead Letters
By Pat Myers

Osama bin Laden has passed away, been taken by his Lord,
Shuffled off this mortal coil, fallen on his sword,
Moved to otherworldly realms . . . Wait, this doesn’t work.
Niceties need not apply! He’s dead — good riddance, jerk.

With the happy New Year, we pause a moment in solemn reflection on those whose lives were lost last year, and then we turn to the Style Invitational so we can write funny verses about them. In our ninth annual Dead Letters contest: Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2011, as in the example above by Washington Post Poet in Residence (though some among the unenlightened think of him as the Po’ Wit in Residence) Gene Weingarten. It doesn’t have to rhyme, but it should be amusing. Short verses are more likely to get ink in the print paper, but the best longer poems will be published in the online Invite. Song parodies are permitted. You can find lists of “notable deaths 2011,” etc., online.

the OEDILF is having another in house contest. The best limerick writers in the English speaking world will compete. When the voting is in and they whittle the entries down to 10 finalists I'll post them. It'll be 2, 3, 4 days.

There has been a glitch in tallying the voting for the winning limericks in the contest. The Editor in Chief at the OEDILF has posted a poll to determine how to address the problem. It will take at least two more days before the results are known.

FINAL STANDINGS FOR THE SEVENTH BI-MONTHLY OEDILF IN-HOUSE LIMERICK CONTEST


FIRST PLACE
(Kevin Lucas, #2 of 3) 9 votes: 3 First place, 4 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 29 points.

17. bittersweetly

Bittersweetly, my pleasure was met
With a tinge of both pain and regret.
With the good came the bad.
I felt happy and sad
When I won playing Russian Roulette.

********************

SECOND PLACE
(Ruchiccio, #2 of 3) 8 votes: 4 First place, 1 Second, and 3 Third for a total of 26 points.

39. deplorability

Deplorability fills the motel:
All the linens and carpeting smell.
And I'm told with a scowl
When requesting a towel,
"Someone's using it now—go to hell!"

********************

THIRD PLACE
(Andrew Burnet, #2 of 3) 8 votes: 3 First place, 3 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 26 points.

9. bedizenment

Crimson dress, scarlet hat, boots of green,
Purple cape with a silvery sheen:
Such bedizenment trumpets
The finest of strumpets.
“How much, dear?” (Oh cripes, it’s the Queen!)

********************

49. dolichoprosopic

"Tell me, why the long face?" I asked Cy.
"I'm a dolichoprosopic guy,"
He replied. "Hence, my jaw,
As I guess you just saw,
Is an awfully long way from my eye."

(stephengold, #2 of 3) 8 votes: 3 First place, 2 Second, and 3 Third for a total of 24 points.

********************

41. derivably

On the sidewalks of streets that I traipse
Not a knuckle of mine ever scrapes.
I stand straight, I shun trees,
And I've far too few fleas
To derivably come from the apes!

(Jeff Foster, #1 of 3) 8 votes: 2 First place, 2 second, and 4 Third for a total of 20 points.

********************

38. demonstrativeness

Your demonstrativeness is so sweet,
This affection in public, a treat;
And I do love a tease,
But, my dear, would you please
Squeeze my hand, not my ass, in the street?

(errol nimbly, #1 of 3) 6 votes: 3 First place, 1 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 20 points.

********************

33. cyphertext

Substitution I taught by degrees
To my secret French lover, Louise.
I used u, o, and i
To mean a, n, and y;
So her nay’s were transformed into oui’s!

In cryptography, the encrypted text, in this case “oui,” is called the cyphertext.

(MikeAq, #2 of 3) 7 votes: 1 First place, 3 Second, and 3 Third for a total of 17 points.

********************

26. cochlear

Said my ear doc, "Allow me to guess
'Bout your cochlear pain and distress.
It's your mother-in-law's
Shrieking voice that's the cause
Of your near-deaf experience, yes?"

(Chris Doyle, #3 of 3) 6 votes: 1 First place, 3 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 16 points, putting it into an exact tie with:

********************

45. diester

From a failure to follow routine,
She’d injected it into her spleen.
People gasp with surprise
At her emerald eyes
Since the diester dyed Esther green.

AN: A diester is any compound containing two ester groups. In medical research, a commonly used diester is Carboxyfluorescein diacetate, which is used to stain cells fluorescent green.

(Michael Daws, #2 of 2) 6 votes: 1 First place, 3 Second, and 2 Third for a total of 16 points.

********************

46. discalceate

In a move that is sure to amuse,
Saint Lou’s Church of Perpetual Booze
And Wild Parties permits
Beachside services. It’s
A discalceate order (no shoes).

(Chris J. Strolin, #2 of 3) 3 votes: 2 First place, 1 Second, and 0 Third for a total of 13 points.

There's a different limerick contest going on at this link: http://www.metamorphosism.com/...page=2#comment-10651. There's still time to submit your entries.

Here's a good one from Richard Stehr:

Although pea soup I ordered by name,
It was leek soup that actually came.
So I promptly complained,
But the waiter explained:
"Take a pee, take a leak—it's the same."

quote:

Originally posted by jitterbug:
There's a different limerick contest going on at this link: http://www.metamorphosism.com/...page=2#comment-10651. There's still time to submit your entries.

If you like limericks you really should check the link above. There have been some great submissions by Perry and Jann and others. Here's a good one from Perry:

Perry wrote:

The Concordia’s captain took flight
To a place where they don’t extradite
Of his girlfriend he snapped
“She’s a pole-dancing Lapp
Not a lap-dancing Pole, get it right!”